Politics for Dummies.

DEMOCRAT	You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. You feel guilty for being successful. You push for higher taxes so the government can provide cows for everyone.
REPUBLICAN	You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. So?
SOCIALIST	You have two cows. The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor. You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his cow.
COMMUNIST	You have two cows. The government seizes both and provides you with milk. You wait in line for hours to get it. It is expensive and sour.
CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE	You have two cows. You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows.
BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE	You have two cows. Under the new farm program the government pays you to shoot one, milk the other, and then pours the milk down the drain.
AMERICAN CORPORATION	You have two cows. You sell one, lease it back to yourself and do an IPO on the 2nd one. You force the two cows to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when one cow drops dead. You spin an announcement to the analysts stating you have downsized and are reducing expenses. Your stock goes up.
FRENCH CORPORATION	You have two cows. You go on strike because you want three cows. You go to lunch and drink wine. Life is good.
JAPANESE CORPORATION	You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. They learn to travel on unbelievably crowded trains. Most are at the top of their class at cow school.
GERMAN CORPORATION	You have two cows. You engineer them so they are all blond, drink lots of beer, give excellent quality milk, and run a hundred miles an hour Unfortunately they also demand 13 weeks of vacation per year.
ITALIAN CORPORATION	You have two cows but you don't know where they are. You break for lunch. Life is good.
RUSSIAN CORPORATION	You have two cows. You have some vodka. You count them and learn you have five cows. You have some more vodka. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. The Mafia shows up and takes over however many cows you really have.
TALIBAN CORPORATION	You have all the cows in Afghanistan , which are two. You don't milk them because you cannot touch any creature's private parts. You get a $40 million grant from the US government to find alternatives to milk production but use the money to buy weapons.
IRAQI CORPORATION	You have two cows. They go into hiding. They send radio tapes of their mooing.
POLISH CORPORATION	You have two bulls. Employees are regularly maimed and killed attempting to milk them.
BELGIAN CORPORATION	You have one cow. The cow is schizophrenic. Sometimes the cow thinks she's French, other times she's Flemish.. The Flemish cow won't share with the French cow. The French cow wants control of the Flemish cow's milk. The cow asks permission to be cut in half. The cow dies happy.
FLORIDA CORPORATION	You have a black cow and a brown cow. Everyone votes for the best looking one. Some of the people who actually like the brown one best accidentally vote for the black one. Some people vote for both. Some people vote for neither Some people can't figure out how to vote at all. Finally, a bunch of guys from out-of-state tell you which one you think is the best-looking cow.
CALIFORNIA CORPORATION	You have millions of cows. They make real California cheese. Only five speak English. Most are illegal.

Candy from Strangers

Remember when your mother told you to...
.
.
.
NEVER take candy from a stranger.......
.
.
.
.
.
Well, she was talking about this guy !!!!!!

How to Piss off a News Reporter

Here's a jerk who's trying to piss off a reporter. One dumb idiot, but funny as hell.

Swine Flu Meets Mad Cow

Building Flips during Demolition

Instead of collapsing, a building flips over and nearly hit another bulding during a routine demolition in Turkey!

Usher Vs. Michael Jackson - Dance Moves

And the winner is.... Chris Tucker with the funniest leg kicks..

The Indian With One Testicle

There once was an Indian who had only one testicle and whose given name was 'Onestone'. He hated that name and asked everyone not to call him Onestone.
After years and years of torment, Onestone finally cracked and said,' If anyone calls me Onestone again I will kill them!'
The word got around and nobody called him that any more..
Then one day a young woman named Blue Bird forgot and said, 'Good morning, Onestone.' He jumped up, grabbed her and took her deep into the forest where he made love to her all day and all night. He made love to her all the next day, until Blue Bird died from exhaustion.
The word got around that Onestone meant what he promised he would do. Years went by and no one dared call him by his given name until A woman named Yellow Bird returned
to the village after being away. Yellow Bird , who was Blue Bird's cousin, was overjoyed when she saw Onestone. She hugged him and said, 'Good to see you, Onestone.'
Onestone grabbed her, took her deep into the forest, then he made love to her all day, made love to her all night, made love to her all the next day, made love to her all the next night, but Yellow Bird wouldn't die!

Why ???

Everyone knows....

You can't kill Two Birds with OneStone !!!