The Indian With One Testicle

There once was an Indian who had only one testicle and whose given name was 'Onestone'. He hated that name and asked everyone not to call him Onestone.
After years and years of torment, Onestone finally cracked and said,' If anyone calls me Onestone again I will kill them!'
The word got around and nobody called him that any more..
Then one day a young woman named Blue Bird forgot and said, 'Good morning, Onestone.' He jumped up, grabbed her and took her deep into the forest where he made love to her all day and all night. He made love to her all the next day, until Blue Bird died from exhaustion.
The word got around that Onestone meant what he promised he would do. Years went by and no one dared call him by his given name until A woman named Yellow Bird returned
to the village after being away. Yellow Bird , who was Blue Bird's cousin, was overjoyed when she saw Onestone. She hugged him and said, 'Good to see you, Onestone.'
Onestone grabbed her, took her deep into the forest, then he made love to her all day, made love to her all night, made love to her all the next day, made love to her all the next night, but Yellow Bird wouldn't die!

Why ???

Everyone knows....

You can't kill Two Birds with OneStone !!!

Wear a Condom At All Times

An American tourist goes on a trip to China. While in China, he is very sexually promiscuous and does not use a condom all the time. A week after arriving back home in the States, he wakes one morning to find his penis covered with bright green and purple bumps. Horrified, he immediately goes to see a doctor.
The doctor, never having seen anything like it, orders some tests and tells the man to return in two days. The man returns in a couple of days and the doctor says: "I've got bad news for you. You've contracted Mongolian VD. It's very rare and almost unheard of here. We know very little about it". The man looks a little perplexed and says: "Well, give me a shot or something and fix me up, doc". The doctor answers: "I'm sorry, there's no known cure. We're going to have to amputate your penis". The man screams ! in horror, "Absolutely not! I want a second opinion". The doctor replies: "Well, it's your choice. Go ahead if you want, but surgery is your only choice".
The next day, the man seeks out a Chinese doctor, figuring that he'll know more about the disease. The Chinese doctor examines his penis and proclaims: "Ah, yes, Mongolian VD. Vely lare disease". The guy says to the doctor: "Yeah, yeah, I already know that!, but what we can do? My American doctor wants to operate and amputate my penis?"
The Chinese doctor shakes his head and laughs: "Stupid Amelican docta, always want to opelate. Make more money, that way. No need to opelate!"
"Oh, Thank God!", the man replies.
"Yes", says the Chinese doctor, "You no worry!
Wait two weeks, fall off by itself! You save money."

Bedroom Golf

• The Rules of Bedroom Golf:

• Each player shall furnish his own equipment for play, normally one club and two balls.
• Play on course must be approved by the owner of the hole.
• Unlike outdoor golf, the object is to get the club in the hole and keep the balls out.
• For most effective play, the club should have a firm shaft. Course owners are permitted to check shaft stiffness before play begins.
• Course owners reserve the right to restrict club length to avoid damage to the hole.
• Object of the game is to take as many strokes as necessary until the owner is satisfied play is complete. Failure to do so may result in being denied permission to play again.
• It is considered bad form to begin playing the hole immediately upon arrival. Experienced players will normally take time to admire the entire course, paying special attention to well formed mounds and bunkers.
• Players are cautioned not to mention other courses they have played or are currently playing to the owner of the course being played. Upset owners have been known to damage a players equipment for this reason.
• Players are encouraged to have proper rain gear, just in case.
• Players should not assume that the course is in shape to play at all times. Players may be embarrassed if they find the course temporarily under repair. Players are advised to be extremely tactful in this situation. More advanced players will find alternate means of play when this is the case.
• Players should assume their match has been properly scheduled particularly when playing a new course for the 1st time. Previous players have been known to become irate if they discover someone else is playing what they considered a private course.
• The owner of the course is responsible for the pruning of any bushes, which may reduce the visibility of the hole.
• Players are strongly advised to get the owners permission before attempting to play the backside.
• Slow play is encouraged, however, players should be prepared to proceed at a quicker pace at the owners request.
• It is considered an outstanding performance, time permitting, to play the same hole several times in one match.